Today I wake up as I do every morning wondering if today will be the day. I wake up every morning at 2:15 a.m, 3:33 a.m (make a wish) and lay there for another 30 mins. wondering what will happen today. I know I'll spend an hour and a half getting ready for work, and thoughts will flow through my head. Thoughts about will today be the day, will I have a good day and what can I do to make it the best day. I get into my car drive to work and most days I'm happy to be alive and blessed to have a great job and I know that I will not think about this turmoil if I just keep busy. However, today is a different day. My heart hurts, a hurt like I have never felt before. I feel the pain in my throat. Most days I just go through the motions, day after day after day. On my way home every single night I am very angry and I don't understand WHY NO ONE CALLED TODAY! WHY WHY WHY? What have I done? Why have we been dealt card after card after card. Five years of marriage we have done nothing but fight through life. Why can one person have everything perfect, but others have to climb a huge mountain every single minute. It's not fair. As I try to not "lose the faith" it's very hard to keep that positive attitude. Today I am sad and for once I want the world to know that we are human and we feel pain and today I AM VERY SAD.