Tuesday, November 18, 2008

BARELY HOLDING ON

Today-- what a bad day. I can barely breath, speak or talk because I miss my daughter. Right now at this moment I have so many emotions going through me and none are happy. I feel bitter and I feel sorry for myself and Hank. I do not understand why we can't catch a break! Just one! Please?! We have been married 5 1/2 years and we have done nothing but struggle through life. We climb one hill then there's an even bigger one, then an even bigger one... just goes and goes. I'm tired. I can actually say right now at this moment I'm tired. Physically tired and emotionally tired. Yes, tired is defiantly another feeling I have at this moment. I'm very sad as well. I'm sad that our daughter is growing up in another world without us. I'm sad that we can not be with her and I'm sad because we know nothing. The pain hurts so bad. Like in your throat bad. So bad you can't even swallow. The kind of pain where you can just cry at the drop of a dime, but you have to be strong and hold it in. People tell me how strong I am and how impressed they are with my attitude, but underneath I'm in the worst pain ever. My heart aches! Another feeling is anger! I I'm angry at God for not hearing the prayers of my friends and family.I can honestly say I am at my wits end. I'm tired, hurt, and confused. I miss you Sophie and we are trying really hard. Everyone wants you home- everyone.

9 comments:

Libby said...

(((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

Today I cried as I read your pain, so sorry,as your Aunt I wish I could make it better for you, but know that it will happen and the day you hold your little girl in your arms, will be so much like labor pains, that you will forget these emotions on that day. I love you. Aunt Tam

Anonymous said...

The hardest thing about being parents is not being able to help your children when they are hurting. As much as we wish we could make this hurt go away we can't. We love you so much and wish we could just hug you until the hurt goes away. It will go away soon but that doesn't help now. Just hang in there and think about how this will all be in the past soon. We love you Tricia and Hank and our hearts and prayers are wiht you. Tomorrow hopefully will be a better day.

Love you so much
Mom and Dad
(Sophie's grandma and grandad}

Heather Verweyst said...

Everyday I hope that you will hear something; something positive something great, wonderful news that you will be on your way to get your daughter on X date. I know that day is coming soon but not soon enough, I know. You're daughter will be in your arms soon. I just know it. Hang tough! I am thinking about you! LOVE YA!
Heather

Carl and Stephanie said...

I know exactly what you are feeling as I have gone thru the same thing. It took me 4 months to get an approval. You WILL get your approval so hang in there. I sent you an email with some contact info. Best of luck to you.

Destiny said...

Tricia, I love and miss you so much right now. Sophie is so unbelievably lucky to have you and Hank as her parents. Whenever anything gets unbearably hard and I don't even know what to do I have two bible verses that really keep me going. The first is James 1:2-4 it talks about how you should be joyous when your faith is put to the test because it develops perseverance and that perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and not lacking anything.... and the second is Romans 5: 3-5 it talks about how suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character brings about hope. I know that I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through, but I find comfort in the fact that God has a reason, we may not understand it, but it is there. I love you cousin. :)

Anonymous said...

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phillipians 4:13.
That is one that has kept me going through things even though I know I have never experienced what you are experiencing. Always thinking about you.
-Sarah S.

Valorie Leonard said...

I'm sorry that you are having to wait so long for answers and the journey is so long and hard.

Anonymous said...

Remember each day is a day closer to your little girl.I also wish as your Aunt I could make this all better too. BIG hugs. Love you both. Sophie Great Aunt Debbie.