Tuesday, November 18, 2008
BARELY HOLDING ON
Today-- what a bad day. I can barely breath, speak or talk because I miss my daughter. Right now at this moment I have so many emotions going through me and none are happy. I feel bitter and I feel sorry for myself and Hank. I do not understand why we can't catch a break! Just one! Please?! We have been married 5 1/2 years and we have done nothing but struggle through life. We climb one hill then there's an even bigger one, then an even bigger one... just goes and goes. I'm tired. I can actually say right now at this moment I'm tired. Physically tired and emotionally tired. Yes, tired is defiantly another feeling I have at this moment. I'm very sad as well. I'm sad that our daughter is growing up in another world without us. I'm sad that we can not be with her and I'm sad because we know nothing. The pain hurts so bad. Like in your throat bad. So bad you can't even swallow. The kind of pain where you can just cry at the drop of a dime, but you have to be strong and hold it in. People tell me how strong I am and how impressed they are with my attitude, but underneath I'm in the worst pain ever. My heart aches! Another feeling is anger! I I'm angry at God for not hearing the prayers of my friends and family.I can honestly say I am at my wits end. I'm tired, hurt, and confused. I miss you Sophie and we are trying really hard. Everyone wants you home- everyone.